I like to start out by say that I love the new website, but I did miss it while it was down for a few days!

Ok, little about me. I have been reading and gaining information from this website for the past 1000 something days - as reminded by my new password prompt I found this website after learning about the CRNA profession when I was in the nuts and bolts of nursing school...thank goodness for this website, and my shadowing experience, I have taken the steps need to be where I am today...which is a few steps closer to my aspiration of becoming a CRNA.

I graduated nursing school with my BSN and a 3.89 GPA, did well in my science courses, was a supplemental insturctor for nursing courses, president of my SON, Community Health Chair of my state nursing association, two jobs as a tech in nursing school and landed a fantastic summer nursing internship at the Mayo Clinic. I did all of this to help increase my chances of becoming a new graduate in a level one ICU-which was becoming extremely competitive and hard to come by.

I graduated in December 09 and applied like crazy all of the country, never settling for anything other than ICU. I interviewed in 4 different states (flying around during my last semester of nursing school, on top of all my other obligations, was interesting) and ended up with a position in the CTICU.

...sorry about the long introduction, just wanted you to see I've done the research and I'm committed and this is where my question begins...

I know at this point in time I am not ready to apply to school. This is because I still have tons to learn and feel COMFORTABLE with in the ICU setting. There are times, however when I find myself getting discouraged and I guess this is why I'm asking for advice. Most ppl I work with have been a nurse on the unit for a while now and seem quite comfortable with all types of situations. I had a nurse practitioner call me "scared" last night in front of everyone I work with because I wanted someone in the room with me the first time I changed the pressure tubing down to the hub of an a line. I was unsure of how to do this and the a line was not sutured in. I was well aware of the fact that the worst case scenario was I'd have to hold pressure if it fell out, but I wanted to avoid that at all costs since I was titrating NTG and labetalol. I don't think I was scared, I'm just careful and I don't know if that is a bad thing when working in the ICU. Needless to say it was embarrassing and hurt my feelings.

I guess I worry about that because when you are the sole provider of anesthesia I'm sure you don't have time to grab somebody and ask for help. My situation is relatively minuscule, I know, but I want to become a CRNA sooo bad that it worries me.

I do enjoy nursing and working in the ICU enviorment. I love learning about gtts, swans, balloon pumps, ecmo (even though I'm not currently at the level on my floor to take care of them, I still go into the rooms and learn) and every other aspect of ICU nursing...yes, even right down to keeping my pt clean with nightly bed baths. Somethings I do not like are all the tasks that waste time that could be better spent...emptying garbage for starters.

I also find myself asking a ton of questions, always why (not to the point of annoying and only if it's important and I should know).Although, one nurse told me I should not ask question because it makes the docs feel that I think the are incompetent...I'm fairly certain they know I'm just curious. I hate just doing something and not understanding it. That is one reason I'm super excited about all the knowledge I'll obtain one day in CRNA school. It's funny cause all of the doctors are prepared with an explanation for me instead of" just do it"...and I've only been there 6 months I also love advocating for my pts and will stop at nothing..

Ok, I'm done rambling. I could go on and on about when I want to go back to school. I'm so over obsessing about it and just want to start already.

Do any of you remember being new grads in the ICU and have similar feelings as i'm having?

Looking forward to your response!