pilot424's Journal

Meredith would have been 22 tomorrow. What would her life been like? Would she be graduating from college, have a baby, or here in CA with me? I am more numb than ever but the feelings are as raw at the same time. I saw a pic a couple of days ago of the first Christmas. She was eight months. I saw it on Facebook. Her mother had posted it. I lost my breath, got sick to my stomach and felt my physical heart, like it twas literally splitting in two. I want to quit. Just sit and do nothing, but I can't. ...

Getting closer to the BSN. Plugging along. I'll be able to start applying to CRNA school next spring. Taking a little longer than expected but has long as I get there. I'll at least have 4-5 good years in ICU when I start school.

I didn't think this would bring any closure but now I think it did.

http://www.newschannel9.com/news/says-989362-old-year.html

I've finally enrolled in a BSN program. I'm doing the University of Norht Alabama online program. This time next year I'll be able to start sending off applications. We will see. Came off of celexa cold turkey. I can now see that I was in a slight haze on it. It definitely helped but I don't like depending on antidepressants.

My second birthday without her. What would she be like now if she were here. I still struggle tremendously everyday. I have accepted this feeling for the rest of my life. I do experience some happiness. I guess thats the part from time heals all wounds. To not hurt means having forgotten her and that I have not done. I work at California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco. I believe this is my final stop before CRNA school and my final stop even if I don't go. I don't think there are ...