Favorite "one-liners"

[FutrCRNA]

Just for grins, what are some of your favorite sayings? For example, the bitter and jaded among us might say:

* I think, therefore I'm single
* The more men (or women) I date, the better I like my dog

Or you may have "rewritten" a classic. My brother-in-law has rewritten the 5 stages of grief. This was done in an attempt to sympathize with me after a nasty break-up earlier this year. They are now:
Denial, tequila, tantrum, gin, acceptance

(I like his version better...)

[jwk]

Anesthesia makes surgery possible, not easy.

An excellent response when the patient who has no twitches and the surgeon is still bitching about the relaxation.

[MmacFN]

im partial to "shit happens"

[RAYMAN]

And for all those srna's on here.........one that is near and dear to my heart these days is "you eat an elephant one bite at a time". Although i'm really diggin "cooperate and graduate". Had to do that today. :yumyum:

[TranMan]

One I hear often is ....
"It's better to be lucky than good"
Other favorites are....
"Don't be 1st and don't be last"
"Don't ask, Don't tell"
"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then"

[FutrCRNA]

"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then"

ROFLMAO!!! :pound: There's hope for me yet...

[RN29306]

Allright...who's the funny man on here...I know Anne or Tracy is behind this one...I think I just got called a blind squirrel..

[kmchugh]

Going way back to my days in the military: There is no problem so large that it cannot be overcome by a suitable application of high explosives.

Or the T-shirt worn by an EOD friend of mine: I'm on the bomb squad. If you see me running, try to keep up.

KM

[FutrCRNA]

Going way back to my days in the military: There is no problem so large that it cannot be overcome by a suitable application of high explosives.

Or the T-shirt worn by an EOD friend of mine: I'm on the bomb squad. If you see me running, try to keep up.

KM


Those are both great quotes!!! I think the first one is an example of why they'd never let me in the military....I'd have waaaay too much fun blowing shite up. :boom:

[MmacFN]

i also like FUBAR

(f'd Up Behind All Recognition)

[FutrCRNA]

Yoga had a great one in the chat last night. I hope she posts it!

[FutrCRNA]

Allright...who's the funny man on here...I know Anne or Tracy is behind this one...I think I just got called a blind squirrel..

No, you're a pirate. :hijacked:

[FutrCRNA]

As I frequently said to my ex: "If it's not one thing, it's your mother." He was never amused...

[gobucks1013]

An oldie but a goodie, especially in anesthesia:

"Don't poke the skunk"

[aaron 465]

Thought of two-

From The House of God, "There is no body cavity that cannot be reached with a 14 ga needle and a good strong arm."

My all time trauma favorite - All bleeding stops eventually.

[susswood]

Allright...who's the funny man on here...I know Anne or Tracy is behind this one...I think I just got called a blind squirrel..

I think maybe you're the nut

[MmacFN]

How about

"Shock it till you recognized it (eventually you will, it will be flat)"

[FutrCRNA]

Jesus is coming. Look busy...

[TranMan]

I heard the blind squirrel one from a really great MDA. He would always say that after getting something hard (a-lines, CVLs, etc).

He also like to say, "Vacation/breaks/lunch is for the weak"

Here's a few more....
Fake it till you make it.
If it's wet and it's not yours, put on some gloves.

Yoga's was...
The best Nurses and the Worst Doctors go into Anesthesia.

[MmacFN]

My dad taught me this one

If you Jiggle it more than 3 times, yer playin with it.

[vadrn]

Not necesarily anesthesia related, but definitely marriage related; Tis easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.

[FutrCRNA]

Not necesarily anesthesia related, but definitely marriage related; Tis easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.


Ha! I have a magnet on my fridge of a blushing bride saying, "Why do I have to get married? I didn't do anything wrong!" (I love it and resonate with it!!!)

[yoga]

Favorite Anesthesia Joke (can apply to other areas of nursing)

CRNA comes out of dark storage room, red face, breathing heavily, tucking in scrubs, and says to co-worker, "That was some sex I had with an anesthesiologist."

Co-Worker: "which anesthesiologist?"
CRNA: "don't know"
Co-Worker: "How do you know it was an anesthesiologist"
CRNA "I had to do all of the work"

[yoga]

Anesthesia One-liners

Supervision is a four letter word

No one is happy for you sucess, except your mother

To young cocky surgeons. "I have noticed that the best surgeons are the nicest"

"You want me to do WHAT" related to blood pressure, bleeding, muscle relaxation, whatever else the surgeon and I don't agree to.

also to surgeon, "I don't tell you what suture to use, please don't tell me how to do anesthesia". (not usually said nicely)

Most recently, giving anesthesia for a grumpy, whiney dramatic surgeon, I got into yoga mode and was humming "Ohm" Surgeon want to know why I was humming. Me: "If I don't, I will reach over the drapes and beat the s..t out of you". Quiet, less dramatic surgeon for the rest of case.

yoga

[FutrCRNA]

You know every surgeon has walked into an OR and thought to himself, "I hate the fact that you people don't salute me."

[Mumbatex]

Always been partial to:

"To Much Like Right" when something is being done wrong and noone knows why
"Crabs in a bucket" when people are trying to pull u down
and one of my favorites that has already graced this board" FAKE IT TIL U MAKE IT" no elucidation needed. New favorite from this board " U eat an elephant 1 bite at a time" Feels seriously applicable.

[RN29306]

Ever notice how surgeons knock anesthesia?

Was in preop with a CABG patient and myself, anesthesiologist, and surgeon arrived at around the same time. THe surgeon started talking about "anesthesia this, anesthesia that, or you'll be yada yada cause of anesthesia"......

MD interrupted the surgeon and asked the surgeon, "We'll if you think that is bad, how 'bout you try it without us?" Immediate stare down in preop took place.

Surgeon hushed the fuss. Goes back to what JWK said about "anesthesia makes surgery possible, not always easy".

[NursePink]

Not necessarily my favorite, but definitely my most used...

Cold hands, warm heart. :coffeecup:

[lgscrna]

Speaking of surgeons mouthing off about things anesthesia, I used to work in an ACT practice with a surgeon who was always using the line "In my experience, .....". An attending MDA whom I liked a great deal stopped him in mid-pontification one day with, "An unrecognized series of errors does NOT constitute experience." I loved it. Lou

[TranMan]

This is funny. Just the other day had 2 residents say somethin' stupid to me.

1st, we had a really skinny kid in for an appy, which did not take long. He was still buzzin on the 2 cc's of Fent from induction and didn't want to breathe. I don't like using Narcan, so I wait it out. Resident jokingly says anesthesia time is taking longer than the surgical time, followed by "oh you extubated deep, that's ok".
I was thinking WTF? so I say, I always extubate deep, what are you talking about? She changes the topic promptly....

Another case, I was fumbling with the Proseal LMAs ( I haven't learned to like these yet). While the circulator was looking for a regular LMA for me in a another room. I tried to re-insert the Proseal several times without being able to ventilate the patient as the resident stood and watched me. When the circulator comes back with the regular LMA, I had just pulled out the proseal from the mouth and I hear this resident saying..."Are you pulling it out Again?"
To which I responded, "What do you suggest I do? Leave it in and not be able to ventilate during the case?" She said,"oh....."
Guess she can't recognize the inability to ventilate a patient. hmmm.

[lytilcrna]

I Love IT!:pound: :pound: :pound:

[RAYMAN]

In the immortal words of Robin Williams: "joke em if they can't take a fuk".

[gobucks1013]

Just remembered this one from a great classmate of mine in undergrad. He actually said this to one of the PhD professors who had been in the college of nursing at Ohio State for 25 years. He was called into her office to basically get reprimanded for questioning conflicting information she gave us in one of her lectures. I don't even remember what it was, but she, "the expert", apparently took exception to the fact that he asked her to clarify which was correct during class.

When she proceeded to proverbially thump her chest about how she's been a nurse for 30+ years and she has a PhD so she is considered an expert and shouldn't be questioned, he kindly responded,

"The fact that I've been wiping my ass for 22 years doesn't make me an expert..." :pound:

As crass as it is, there is much wisdom in that statement. We always have something out there to learn, no matter how much experience we gain.

I'm not a literature guru, so I don't recall who should get the credit for this, but the statement always resounds in my mind and serves as a reminder that no one knows it all, especially me..."true wisdom is knowing what you don't know"...or something to that effect.

On a side note, if you think what this student did to that professor was disrespectful and inappropriate, don't feel too bad. Trust me, she was a witch and a sh*tty nurse. She got what she deserved. :salook:

[gaspasserval]

For all those Ron Burgundy fans: "I IMMEDIATELY regret this decision!" (Can be applied to almost anything)

For all those Napolean Dynamite fans: "What are you trying to do, make me look like a FRIGGIN' IDIOT?" (Don't say this to your CRNA or doc until you are at least a senior)

:pound: :pound:

[FutrCRNA]

"I IMMEDIATELY regret this decision!" (Can be applied to almost anything)


:werd: (I've lost count how many times in the past year I've said that...)

[Mumbatex]

I was told a couple of days ago that my favorite one liner is "Ain't that some *hit" I couldn't believe I said it that often and then today I caught myself. Just goes to show u never really know what ur doing until someone points it out. Really man, "Ain't that some *hit" :laugh2:

[CRNA06]

Our key chain to the senior call room had a smiley face and read "SUCK IT UP PUSSY"! That pretty much sums up anesthesia school. IMO.

[gburchett]

Gun control means being able to hit your target

G

[MmacFN]

I like FUBAR

F*ked Up Beyond All Recognition

[trp100329]

That's my new favorite one-liner! :)

Terri


Speaking of surgeons mouthing off about things anesthesia, I used to work in an ACT practice with a surgeon who was always using the line "In my experience, .....". An attending MDA whom I liked a great deal stopped him in mid-pontification one day with, "An unrecognized series of errors does NOT constitute experience." I loved it. Lou

[Diprivan]

"That's How I Roll!"
&
"Strong Work!" - Said to congragulate for a job well done.

[kmchugh]

Anesthesia defined: The half-awake monitoring the half-asleep while they are being half-murdered by the half-witted.

KM

[MmacFN]

lol

[FORANE]

Said to a patient right before colonoscopy:
In a few moments it will all be behind you...

or my partners line:
I'm allergic to women; they make me swell.

[neopusher]

Favorite Anesthesia Joke (can apply to other areas of nursing)

CRNA comes out of dark storage room, red face, breathing heavily, tucking in scrubs, and says to co-worker, "That was some sex I had with an anesthesiologist."

Co-Worker: "which anesthesiologist?"
CRNA: "don't know"
Co-Worker: "How do you know it was an anesthesiologist"
CRNA "I had to do all of the work"

I'm sure most of you have heard this......but I love it:

A man and woman meet at a bar and have some drinks together. They start talking and soon realize they're both doctors. After an hour, the man says, 'Hey why don't we have sex tonight? No strings attached.' The woman doctor agrees to it.

They go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. At last, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex.

Afterward, the man says, 'You're a surgeon, aren't you?' 'Yes,' says the woman, 'how did you know?' 'I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started,' he says. 'That makes sense,' says the woman.

'You're an anaesthesiologist, aren't you?' 'Yeah, how did you know?' asks the man. The woman replies, 'Because I didn't feel a thing.

[Bad Apple]

I probably have dozens that I say in the OR, especially when I'm teaching, and just don't realize it. Here are a few that I can think of:

I have faith in you, but that doesn't mean I trust you.

You can't change the wind, so you have to adjust the sails.

Wag more, bark less.

When you've got problems with everybody, it's not them, it's you.

[sleepyrasrn]

How about these:
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

[mummer43]

You're only as good as your last anesthetic.

Orthopedic surgeons think the function of the heart is to pump Ancef to the bones.

[bettermj]

I knew a guy (this is awful) who would whisper to the kids as he breathes them down, "breathe the gas little one, Uncle Hitler is gonna take good care of you..... Breath deep."

I was a student on this out rotation. Everyone always laughed, but I couldn't. I kept thinking they were testing me.

Sometimes I will say, "ok you're gonna feel a little stick and a slice" as the surgeon makes the incision.

[FORANE]

I knew a guy (this is awful) who would whisper to the kids as he breathes them down, "breathe the gas little one, Uncle Hitler is gonna take good care of you..... Breath deep."

I was a student on this out rotation. Everyone always laughed, but I couldn't. I kept thinking they were testing me.

Sometimes I will say, "ok you're gonna feel a little stick and a slice" as the surgeon makes the incision.

During mask induction said in a Mister Rogers neighborhood voice "this is called huffing; you will pay for this in college."
Bad, very bad...

[gaspass3]

When doing their first mask case, I tell students to pretend they are a Walrus. All they want and need is a nice, tight seel (seal).

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk 2

[HawaiiRRTRN]

I often wonder what is going thru the little kids mind during a mask induction, especially if mom is there. Probably something along the line of "Please make the bad man stop, Mommy!!!"

[squeezingthebag]

"Son you can cover a pile of crap in syrup....but that don't make it pancakes"- my grampa

On leaving the OR with a warm, normotensive, comfortable patient
"don't let the recovery room be the discovery room"

[trek12]

This isn't a funny one but I like:
It is, what it is.

[armygas]

One of my own observations: "the quality of an anesthetic is inversely proportional to the number of anesthetic providers in the room".

:)

[radracer43]

"Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda...

[ms crna]

My personal favorite: "the enemy of good is better". I usually mumble this after someone suggests we replace a perfectly good airway with a "better" one and is almost immediately followed by regret:)